July 8, 2008
Point System for Kids
It’s funny, I started putting together the following before reading today’s daily motivation, if you missed it check it out here. My husband and I have desperately been looking for a way to better discipline and reward our oldest, Mackenzie. She is five years old but at times acts out unbecomingly. She has been spoiled by her grandmother for far too long, and now that we have my son around her, I would not like him to catch onto her wicked ways. (FYI: for those that do not know, Mackenzie is my step daughter)
We suspect she has ADD like her father, but it may be more like ADHD because she acts a lot more how my younger brother used to. Our old disciplining techniques of time-outs, toy and privilege taking, and no snacks has been out played at every junction. It got so bad that some days she would rather sit in the middle of her floor for an entire day than do what we asked (clean her room, not watch TV for an hour, or finish her meal). The first four years of her life before I was there were really laid back when it came to rules, order, and discipline. I feel sometimes as if I have adopted a mongrel child off the street, and this is the first time she has ever been inside of a civilized home.
All that aside, I was combing ALL of the parenting, step-parenting, teacher, etc. websites for solutions. The Behavior Wheel was sounding better and better, because it was all I could find. There is nothing out there in terms of helpful tips, tools, or information (or at least nothing that I haven’t already tried). I liked the computer program the most because it is only $19.95, is fully customizable, and allows the child to spin (sort of like a game) and it picks the disciplinary action for you. You are no longer the bad guy. Sounds great, but what else can I do…
A points system… that sounds like it will work. So, I put together a PowerPoint presentation about it, and added narration so Mackenzie can listen to it. That helps encourage her reading and listening skills while she learns the new system we are going to implement.
I found many options online of behaviors to encourage, suggestions for points, suggestions for prizes/ rewards, etc. However, the many sites I have stumbled upon would only give a few options and not go into many details. Here is my entire system laid right out for you to see:
Mackenzie’s Point System
Positive
+1 point for making bed first thing in the morning
+3 points for rinsing dishes after every meal
+5 points for having room clean at end of the day
These are things she has no problems with really,just we always have to remind her.
Negative
-1 point for:
- not cleaning room when asked
- not rinsing dishes
- leaving lights or tv on when leaving room
- not cleaning up after herself
-5 points for lying or talking back
-10 points for yelling, arguing, or throwing tantrums
Bonuses
As a bonus for her to be able to earn points throughout the day if she is having a bad day or just wants more points for the end of the week, I added:
+1 point for picking up 1 piece of trash (no limit)
+1/2 point for each soda can rinsed (we recycle and drink a lot of soda)
The reason I decided on making the chores not worth as much as the punishment points is because these are serious behaviors that have gotten out of control with her. She will lie through her teeth about everything from wiping herself after using the toilet to seeing a bee in her room. And lately she has begun to give us “an attitude” just because. We feel that it is necessary to really nip these in the butt and strongly discourage them. The tantrums are the worst by far. And I am tired of having an infant screaming in my arms because he hears his older sister doing it. There is no way I am dealing with that when my son turns 1 or 2. So, we have had enough.
Now the most important part of this whole system is the following:
Prizes
First, she must have at last 1 point to watch TV (we have tried but cannot restrict her TV time because she will just flip out. So, for now this is what it will be until we can set her to TV time). Oh, and I almost forgot, she can and does go negative, instead of just stopping at zero. I feel this is more likely to encourage her to do more good stuff, instead of “Oh Well I’m back at zero, I can just make my bed and get 1 point”, etc. (This is how she thinks.)
Then I made two pages of pictures and large numbers to show the following for her:
- 1 point – 1 snack after eating entire meal
- 2 points – 1 hour of computer or video game time
- 3 points – one-on-one game with Daddy (max 3 a day)
- 5 points – going to the park
- 7 points – movie night at home
- 10 points – help cook a special treat
- 15 points – 1 toy from the store
- 20 points – going to Chuck E. Cheese
- 30 points – going to the movie theater
- 35 points – new decoration for her room
- 50 points – Day in Boston
- 100 points – New outfit or shoes
The last two are to try and encourage her to save for her favorite things. Also, her grandma tends to overbuy her things, like new shoes everyday she sees her (every weekend), so now we want to discourage this because we feel that she already too used to getting a lot for new things for no special reason. This is ruining her idea of special gifts and the value of her material objects. Which is why when we tried to implement taking away toys, she did not care.
To give her a more solid idea of what is happening, I created my own simple point tickets that just say ‘1 point, earned by Mackenzie’. I chose these words simply because she cannot read yet, but knows her numbers and how to count, and loves to spell/ see her name. Bingo. So, I will give her the correct amount of tickets she earns and take away the ones she loses for misbehavior. She is to keep track of them inside of a small little purse I have given her that she is responsible for. If she loses, misplaces, etc the tickets then they are gone and she cannot use them. I will keep track of what I give her, but will not replace lost ones.
Lastly, for her debt I have decided that is a no-interest loan type thing, which to her is a fish bowl picture on my dry erase board with a number in it for what she owes us.
June 13, 2008
120 Life Lessons
120 Life Lessons
These are definitely the things that I want to teach and instill in each of my children. Or at least most of them 😉
1. Compliment three people every day
2. Watch a sunrise at lease once a year
3. Have a firm handshake
4. Look people in the eye
5. Say thank you a lot and write thank you notes promptly
6. Take time to listen to your favorite music all alone once a week
7. Sing along with songs that you like
8. Stand at attention and put your hand over your heart when singing the National Anthem
9. Learn to identify the music of Chopin, Mozart, and Beethoven
10. Be the first to say hello
11. Return all the things you borrow
12. Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated
13. Keep secrets
14. Never give up on anyone
15. Remember that miracles happen every day
16. Show respect for teachers, the police, and for your elders
17. Don’t waste time learning the tricks of the trade. Instead learn the trade
18. Control your temper
19. Put the cap back on the toothpaste
20. Take out the garbage without being asked
21. Enjoy beautiful things; always have something beautiful in sight
22. Smile a lot; smile at someone once each hour for one full day
23. Take responsibility for everything you do or fail to do
24. Accept a compliment with a simple thank you
25. Live so that when others think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you
26. Use your sense of humor to amuse, not abuse
27. Dot your i’s and cross your t’s
28. Be brave; even if you’re not, pretend to be, because no one can tell the difference
29. Touch the ones you love
30. Don’t take good health and your body for granted
31. Don’t mess with drugs, alcohol or smoking; enjoying life will give you everything the drugs could give you
32. Avoid sarcastic remarks
33. Earn trust and learn to trust
34. Slow dance and enjoy
35. Refill ice-cube trays, even if there are only 2 cubes left
36. Choose your friends carefully; you will influence each other greatly
37. Make it a habit to do nice things for people who’ll never find out
38. Don’t miss class
39. Think big thoughts, but relish small pleasures
40. Go for a walk alone at least once a week
41. Never cheat
42. Put marshmallows in your hot chocolate
43. Learn CPR
44. Learn to listen; opportunity sometimes knocks very softly
45. Know how to tie a tie
46. Make it a point to remember people’s names
47. When people are re-telling an important event that happened to them don’t try to top them with a story of your own; let them have the stage
48. Be on time
49. Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all they have
50. Strive for excellence, not perfection
51. Avoid negative people
52. Be neat
53. Realize that the person with big dreams is more powerful than one with all of the facts.
54. Be kinder than necessary
55. Give people a second chance, but not a third
56. Never take action when you’re angry
57. Battle against prejudice or discrimination wherever you find it
58. Wear out, don’t rust out
59. Let people know what you stand for and what you won’t stand for
60. Ask why
61. Measure people by the size of their heart
62. Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know
63. Have good posture
64. Enter a room with purpose and confidence
65. Don’t forget a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated
66. Show respect for ALL living things
67. Loosen up, relax
68. Commit yourself to constant self improvement
69. Remember that being a good loser is different than not caring about losing
70. Don’t major in minor things
71. Praise in public, citicize in private
72. When someone hugs you, let him or her be the first to let go
73. Know that good manners matter
74. Keep your promises; promise and deliver
75. Save some money each week
76. Recognize that you only have one chance to make a first impression
77. Respect Tradition
78. Wave to children on a school bus
79. Show respect for another’s time
80. Hang out with people smarter than yourself
81. Be modest; a lot was accomplished before you arrived
82. Lie on your back and watch the clouds or the stars
83. Remember that overnight success takes about three years
84. Leave everything a little better than you found it
85. Think of what you would change in yourself then change it
86. Realize how you affect others
87. Practice empathy; try to see things from other peoples’ point of view
88. Learn to say ‘no’ politely
89. Don’t expect life to be fair
90. Never criticize another’s family
91. Never underestimate the power of forgiveness
92. Don’t say you don’t have enough time; you have exactly the same number of hours as the rest of us do
93. If you think you have no time to work out, do pushups
94. Remember that winners do what losers don’t want to do
95. Check the batteries in the smoke detectors
96. Life your life with an exclamation! not an explanation
97. Live so that when you look back on your life, you’ll regret the things you didn’t do more than those you did
98. Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them
99. Keep a dictionary at your desk at home
100. Never eat the last cookie
101. Be grateful and acknowledge those who help you
102. Take charge of your attitude; don’t let someone else choose it for you
103. Pay attention to details
104. Be a self starter
105. Pay your fair share
106. Remain curious about your ability
107. When attending meetings, sit upfront
108. Don’t litter
109. Don’t flaunt your success, but don’t apologize for it either
110. Don’t procrastinate; do it now
111. Help out at the special olympics
112. Always do more than the minimum. even if no one will know
113. Waste no opportunities because they can never be regained
114. Ask yourself ‘will this help me become my very best?’
115. Become someone’s hero
116. Adopt the motto ‘if it is to be, it is up to me’
117. Remember that quitters never win and winners never quit
118. Believe that the future belongs to those who prepare for it
119. Assure success through persistence and determination
120. Press on!
Thank you Lori for emailing these to me.
Melissa Bailey's Weblog 