It’s funny, I started putting together the following before reading today’s daily motivation, if you missed it check it out here. My husband and I have desperately been looking for a way to better discipline and reward our oldest, Mackenzie. She is five years old but at times acts out unbecomingly. She has been spoiled by her grandmother for far too long, and now that we have my son around her, I would not like him to catch onto her wicked ways. (FYI: for those that do not know, Mackenzie is my step daughter)

We suspect she has ADD like her father, but it may be more like ADHD because she acts a lot more how my younger brother used to. Our old disciplining techniques of time-outs, toy and privilege taking, and no snacks has been out played at every junction. It got so bad that some days she would rather sit in the middle of her floor for an entire day than do what we asked (clean her room, not watch TV for an hour, or finish her meal). The first four years of her life before I was there were really laid back when it came to rules, order, and discipline. I feel sometimes as if I have adopted a mongrel child off the street, and this is the first time she has ever been inside of a civilized home.

All that aside, I was combing ALL of the parenting, step-parenting, teacher, etc. websites for solutions. The Behavior Wheel was sounding better and better, because it was all I could find. There is nothing out there in terms of helpful tips, tools, or information (or at least nothing that I haven’t already tried). I liked the computer program the most because it is only $19.95, is fully customizable, and allows the child to spin (sort of like a game) and it picks the disciplinary action for you. You are no longer the bad guy. Sounds great, but what else can I do…

A points system… that sounds like it will work. So, I put together a PowerPoint presentation about it, and added narration so Mackenzie can listen to it. That helps encourage her reading and listening skills while she learns the new system we are going to implement.

I found many options online of behaviors to encourage, suggestions for points, suggestions for prizes/ rewards, etc. However, the many sites I have stumbled upon would only give a few options and not go into many details. Here is my entire system laid right out for you to see:

Mackenzie’s Point System

Positive

+1 point for making bed first thing in the morning

+3 points for rinsing dishes after every meal

+5 points for having room clean at end of the day

These are things she has no problems with really,just we always have to remind her.

Negative

-1 point for:

• not cleaning room when asked
• not rinsing dishes
• leaving lights or tv on when leaving room
• not cleaning up after herself

-5 points for lying or talking back

-10 points for yelling, arguing, or throwing tantrums

Bonuses

As a bonus for her to be able to earn points throughout the day if she is having a bad day or just wants more points for the end of the week, I added:

+1 point for picking up 1 piece of trash (no limit)

+1/2 point for each soda can rinsed (we recycle and drink a lot of soda)

The reason I decided on making the chores not worth as much as the punishment points is because these are serious behaviors that have gotten out of control with her. She will lie through her teeth about everything from wiping herself after using the toilet to seeing a bee in her room. And lately she has begun to give us “an attitude” just because. We feel that it is necessary to really nip these in the butt and strongly discourage them. The tantrums are the worst by far. And I am tired of having an infant screaming in my arms because he hears his older sister doing it. There is no way I am dealing with that when my son turns 1 or 2. So, we have had enough.

Now the most important part of this whole system is the following:

Prizes

First, she must have at last 1 point to watch TV (we have tried but cannot restrict her TV time because she will just flip out. So, for now this is what it will be until we can set her to TV time). Oh, and I almost forgot, she can and does go negative, instead of just stopping at zero. I feel this is more likely to encourage her to do more good stuff, instead of “Oh Well I’m back at zero, I can just make my bed and get 1 point”, etc. (This is how she thinks.)

Then I made two pages of pictures and large numbers to show the following for her:

• 1 point – 1 snack after eating entire meal
• 2 points – 1 hour of computer or video game time
• 3 points – one-on-one game with Daddy (max 3 a day)
• 5 points – going to the park
• 7 points – movie night at home
• 10 points – help cook a special treat
• 15 points – 1 toy from the store
• 20 points – going to Chuck E. Cheese
• 30 points – going to the movie theater
• 35 points – new decoration for her room
• 50 points – Day in Boston
• 100 points – New outfit or shoes

The last two are to try and encourage her to save for her favorite things. Also, her grandma tends to overbuy her things, like new shoes everyday she sees her (every weekend), so now we want to discourage this because we feel that she already too used to getting a lot for new things for no special reason. This is ruining her idea of special gifts and the value of her material objects. Which is why when we tried to implement taking away toys, she did not care.

To give her a more solid idea of what is happening, I created my own simple point tickets that just say ‘1 point, earned by Mackenzie’. I chose these words simply because she cannot read yet, but knows her numbers and how to count, and loves to spell/ see her name. Bingo. So, I will give her the correct amount of tickets she earns and take away the ones she loses for misbehavior. She is to keep track of them inside of a small little purse I have given her that she is responsible for. If she loses, misplaces, etc the tickets then they are gone and she cannot use them. I will keep track of what I give her, but will not replace lost ones.

Lastly, for her debt I have decided that is a no-interest loan type thing, which to her is a fish bowl picture on my dry erase board with a number in it for what she owes us.